I’m a mom of a toddler, I’m an immigrant in a first world country, and I’d like to tell you a little story about my life as a mom here.
A mom’s life is not glamorous. My husband works a ton, so I take care of the house, the child and our adult lives 98% of the time.
I feel very much like Cinderella every day. I wake up and do home chores and stuff for the family, I go to the ball (read: work for myself) and shine for a bit, and, at a specific hour, which is 3:30 pm in my case, I transform into my usual state of being mom and wife alike. I do the dishes. I cook dinner. I pick up my child from daycare and bring her home for dinner, where fights and screams are inevitable at some point of the evening. I do the cleaning. I run the errands. I put the kiddo to bed. And, finally, at 9:30 pm or 10 pm, I have the time to breathe and think of how my day was. Many times, I just feel my body ache from how much stuff I accomplish throughout the day. But, hey – who would have done it if not me, right? I don’t have a backup for myself.
In my opinion, there are no words to describe the psychological impact this kind of lifestyle has on a person’s mind and body. Yes, because when you are loaded emotionally, your body goes into a state of distress as well.
FUN FACT: Did you know that STRESS roots from our guts? It also messes up a lot of our internal functions.
Nevertheless, as a mom who’s also trying to arrange her professional life, being an immigrant just adds a shitload of pressure and novelty to every aspect of my life. I can’t tell you enough how many setbacks I have almost every day.
There is no line between my mom, housewife and professional beings. One always overlaps with the other and, very often, it can happen at any given moment of the week. Kid gets sick – I’m there to take care of her and stay awake during the nights. Something needs to be scheduled, rescheduled, cancelled or clarified – I’m the one to call around to solve the questions, which are easily taking a full day away from my week. Something urgent comes up and things need to be sorted out – I’m the one to put on hold my life or cancel my agenda to be able to respond to whatever comes up. Even if I plan the week ahead and leave out some time for flexibility, there is always a 100% probability for all of my agenda to get screwed up by the end of the week. In the end, things don’t always work out as well as you plan them, because of – well, life.
Planning, execution and great time management skills are so “en vogue” in my life that I can freely include Logistics Manager in my CV and get a great paying job on the spot! Haha!
If you can relate – shout out to me, so that I know we’re out there, Unicorns!!!
That’s why I want to be real and tell you again – a mom’s life, especially an immigrant one, is not fancy (more details here: Life of an Immigrant). I don’t like all the aspects of motherhood or the home chores I get to do, but I also wouldn’t want my life to be another way. If we all try to look at our hardships in a positive way, then I would say that mine helped me challenge myself, helped me accept my own errors, appreciate the effort of trying, test my limits and learn precious life lessons. I take my own pace every day.
Social media has taken a lot from real life and transformed it into some kind of high standards that nobody can live up to. So, my dear moms on the internet, do not give up no matter what you are doing! Cry your shit out and move on! Scream your lungs out, drink some wine, read a book or magazine, screw the rules and show yourself some love. Also, let’s show kindness, love, acceptance and support towards other moms we know around us. You are not alone. And so ain’t I!
Lots of love from me to all of you amazing moms out there!
P.S. If you’re the lucky mom who has help available around – I salute you, darling! I also want to remind you to be grateful for the people helping you out every day. Don’t you ever refuse help if it’s offered to you, because it’s a real treasure!