Lately, I’ve been missing my home like crazy. And, by “my home”, I don’t mean the places where I’ve lived over the past 10+ years, but my childhood home, my home town and my family as we all were back in the day.
I’ve been here in Canada for almost 3 years now and I haven’t gone home in all this time. Last week, I’ve been listening a lot to the songs I loved in my teenage years, and glimpses of the past came racing through my memory.
I miss my parents. I miss the laughter I heard every day in our house. I miss hugging mom and dad just like when I was a kid. I miss lying down in my mom’s lap, and that feeling of warmth and safety she always gave me. I miss my dad’s kind eyes and words of wisdom at the dinner table. I miss sitting in the kitchen, watching my mom cook dinner and talk about this-and-that. I miss seeing my dad reading the newspaper at 8 pm, then falling asleep half an hour later only because he was exhausted from work. I miss looking out my room’s window and see the bright full moon over the hills and the ocean of trees. I miss having small fights with my sister, then playing with our dolls, only for her to pretend she needs to go to the bathroom, then saying she’s tired to play. I miss our weekend rides to the villa, working the land, me being lazy under the sun and eating fruit right from the trees.
I miss our regular strolls in the woods, our flower picking, our ekibana making in autumns and springs. The gushes of fresh air circulating through the house when mom would keep our windows open, music turned on and our dances in the kitchen. The summer breeze moving the leaves of the trees beneath our windows. The smell of flowers in bloom in the front yard: tulips, lilacs and daffodils. Cherry trees lined down the entire street from my home to my school. The little apple trees orchard that fed a bunch of kids till their parents came home from work. The evening chats we had with our neighbors in front of the apartment building. I miss walking kilometers on end just to see my grandfather, whom I’d often find right in front of his house, doing some chores or getting ready to go work his land.
I can’t forget the taste of my mom’s food. How we would have to pickle and conserve all our fruit and vegetables in summer to have them fresh and yummy during winter. My dad would always carry crossword magazines with him and he would actually know the answer to all of those questions. My dad was always our family encyclopedia – he’d have a reply and a whole story of anything we would ask him. I miss how fun it was to be around my family. Even when the times were tough, I knew we will be all fine, because my parents would always stay positive and teach us that there’s always a way out. I loved our constant family gatherings: god-parents, aunts, uncles, cousins – we were so many, that you wouldn’t be able to count us all in one take. It was always noisy, it was always cheerful, and it was always filled with food and games. Right now, I just wish for one more night like that.
Today, all I want to do is crawl up in my mom’s arms, have her hold me tight, and just cry for a little. I would cry a bit for the time that had passed and we can’t turn back, but, mostly, I’d cry about how hard it is to do Life right now. I want to sit next to my dad at the table, silent for some moments, eat something made by mom, then start a conversation about anything in the world.
I know that both my parents are always available for me on the Internet or over the phone, but it’s just not the same thing as when they’re were here in person. It’s so much harder to see them over Skype and tell them about my life, yet, not being able to touch them, to hug them and smell them – that familiar smell of my mom and dad!
I haven’t seen my parents and my home in so much time, that I really can’t think about anything else right now, but them. I believe it’s also because the Holidays are around the corner, and there will be only my sister and I, and our families together.
But, every day, I wish I had my mom and dad near me!
P.S. All the photos used throughout the blog post are 100% authentic and they depict my actual childhood places!